he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
