I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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