OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
