I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
