best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
