oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
