Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
