is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
