Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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