Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
