tell your sister to shave her snatch
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
