I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
