Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
