He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Randomize
