I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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