this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
