I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
