What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
