I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
