His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You had me at "let me see your balls"
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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