I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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