I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
