i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
