i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
