my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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