ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
