I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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