i just made my gag reflex go away.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
