Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
