You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
