Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
