Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
