No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
