That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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