I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
