Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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