His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
