I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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