He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
