you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
