I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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