Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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