Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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