You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
