Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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