Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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