I skipped work to stalk him.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
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