I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Just puked most of my soul out..
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