Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
