And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
