youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Randomize
