dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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