i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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