I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
