my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
