I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
