it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
