hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
im having a threesome with these popsicles
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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