I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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