remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
only you would photoshop your dick
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
