i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
