I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
babies were throwing up all over the place
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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